Life has mostly returned to normal for me. Just survival from day to day. I had a spark of life that was just amazing, but it became so brilliant and hot that it burned me pretty badly lol. It didn't last long, but the memories that came from it will be forever burned into my mind, body, and soul. (aside from the 3 scars it left on my body. Like literal scars. ) But that's how it goes right?

I have to say this person gave me an inspiration that'll never go away, but its an inspiration I will never be able to express correctly anymore lol. Its difficult to be able to draw something because it always seems to drift back to fonder memories and days. Days that should remain in the past as they are in the past now. I've picked up my pencil (well hers lol) and every time I place it upon the paper, its a whirlwind of images and emotions that seem to mix itself into my heart, thus betraying my original drawing and replacing it with a memory. I'm trying to find my groove again. But its been rather difficult these past couple weeks. I've been able to do little drawings here and there, but nothing of exceptional quality, and of which I believe are appropriate to post. (Appropriate as to not being a memory but an actual drawing from my mind, not my heart.) I've lost a lot of will to draw these days. I try to bury myself into music and colorful things (manga, anime, rythym games) to find something of myself in them.

There is one thing I happy about though. While I lost something, I also gained something. I'm out of my 5 year rut. I'm no longer afraid of relationships with people. I would rather run up to someone, say hello, smile, and wander off. I won't hide anymore. Its silly. Theres no point. I'd rather jump off the cliff and fall endlessly than just stand at the top and look down. During the fall I'll laugh, I'll cry, I'll yell, I'll whisper, I'll love, I'll hate, I'll live life as best as I can. If you don't think my best is enough, then I'll just have to prove it to you.

It is a sad thing to lose something precious. But that's where the human soul shines. Despite the cruel thing that is the world, when in the pit of despair there will be a moment where you shine. And when you do, that shine will forever change the world. Whether it be your heart or someone else.